Pain

Pain
Running through my nerves

Up my back and back and forth it sends the alarm

The body shakes and shakes

The warning signal for my body to take cover

Pain

Persistent agonizing pain

I can not go on, I can not move another step

I can no longer concentrate; I can no longer breathe

Stop! The body says; Move! The mind says

Pain

Inconceivably desperate pain

So unbearable I want to carve my chest with a knife

The emotions cannot stop; the longing increases

The longing to be loved

Pain

Pain

It has not stopped

It cries out to me through the day and night

My head is haunted with pictures of you

Pain
Pain

So unbearable

Pain

Pain

Not of the body but of the soul

The ultimate pain

The result of pain

Okinawa

Crystal sand and blue green ocean
The distant calls of birds, the distant waves calling me home
The shells scattered across the beach
As I ponder life, the sea's wonders I can feel under my feet

I dash towards the water and jump in pain
The closer I get to the ocean, the denser the shells become
Blood oozes out from my toe
The sunlight's warmth penetrates the wound

To the water, to the water I run
The salt stings the wound and numbs the surface
I am purified by the water
I am free and free to swim

Distant calls of seagulls and a bottle of sand
A flower print bikini and a glowing tan
The wound has long healed
The moment has been forgotten

I am the Madonna

I am the Madonna
Glancing from left to right
Glistening smile back and forth
He’s there to my left
He’s there by my shoulder
But the one is in front of me
Moving
Moving
Closer...
My heart skips a beat
The moments come flooding back
Our eyes meet with an ecstatic glance
I look away

He’s to my left
God damn it, why can’t he just look?
We are so close
You reach out your hand to grab
My small sweating palm
I pull my hand away
“I can do it myself”
The pain from the past comes flooding back
My heart is cut off
Flying into the sky
Like a child who
Loses grip of his balloon
Off into the sky
No return...

Sudden jerk of the shoulder
I turn around
Ready to attack
Or perhaps
Ready to indulge
It is her
Hugging and laughing
But he is still there
Behind my shoulder
He looks at me
Waiting for my eyes
A polite smile
A sudden wave
I talk to the man on my right
I am a thorn
Piercing those I love
The blood
Salty
Bitter
Covers my limbs
I thrive on it
I die by it

She comes back
With the
One
No glances
No hellos
I do not face him
Is it just me?
Or does he look regretful?
I should have known
He would flock back

She is Venus
I am the Madonna
On the left he talks
Her beauty is contagious
Who am I?
The nurturer of the world
Not the Garden of Eden

I hear the ocean once again
She is off with my men
I nurtured
I loved
She indulged